In conversation with Vicky Beeching
Theologian and broadcaster Vicky Beeching, grew up in a conservative Christian family in Kent before becoming a major star on the American rock scene. Now one of the most sought-after religious commentators in Britain she tells Alanna Higginson, “I believe we will see change come in our lifetime.”
When you look to the future, what changes do you hope to see within the Church?
I dream of the day when full LGBT equality comes to the church, both in the UK and beyond. I hope that will involve a public apology to all the LGBT people who’ve been hurt and damaged. Many of us have suffered in both our mental health and physical health as a result of the shame and rejection we’ve felt from other Christians. I also hope that same-sex marriage will be possible someday in the Church of England; currently it’s not. People like me, who worship in their buildings weekly, could never celebrate a wedding there. That has to change.
Most of us reach at least one pivotal moment in our lives that better defines who we are. When did you reach your defining moment around faith and sexuality?
My moment of decision happened at the age of 30 when I became extremely ill. I developed an auto-immune condition which doctors believe was caused by the stress of living in the closet. It required chemotherapy to treat it. Lying on a hospital bed, I decided I had to accept my orientation and needed to come out as being in the closet had nearly killed me. Also, I decided that I would remain a Christian — that the two could go hand in hand. I came out publicly a few years later, in 2014, in an interview with The Independent.
Were you always aware of your attraction to women?
Yes, since the age of about 12. I remember all my female friends at secondary school talking excitedly about the boys they were interested in, but I never felt able to join in. I knew I couldn’t tell anyone, as my entire circle of friends and family were all traditional Christians. My music career began while I was very young and was entirely based within churches here and in the States, so from my late teens, I was tied to a career that would collapse if my orientation became known.
Have you ever considered abandoning your faith?
As you can imagine, coming from my background, there’s always felt like a tug-of-war between my belief in God and my orientation. Both feel like such a core part of me. One of them had to win, though. I didn’t think like I could live without God — my ‘Higher Power’ — so in my late teens, I chose that I’d just ‘shelve’ my sexuality so I could remain part of my faith community. I never seriously considered walking away from God as He/She has been my biggest source of strength through the darkest times. But I have considered walking away from the church as it has been responsible for so much hurt and damage to the LGBT community. Thankfully there is also a grass-roots movement of pro-LGBT Christians that’s gathering momentum. And there are a growing number of churches that are fully inclusive. So those give me hope and encourage me to stay. But I hope that, within our lifetime, we’ll see the church give an apology to LGBT people for the damaging way we have all been treated.
What would you like to share with others who are Christians and who may be struggling to resolve their religious beliefs with their homosexuality?
I would say that you absolutely can be LGBT and Christian. There is no legitimate basis in the Bible to say you cannot. And I would say that God loves you for exactly who you are and designed you perfectly. I hear from literally hundreds of people who contact me to say they are struggling with being in a faith community and knowing they are LGB or T. My advice is always to find a safe group of people locally and plug into that community. We can’t make it on our own — we need each other.
How would you like to use your platform to make a difference?
My vision in life is to be the person I needed when I was 13; back when I wanted my life to end because I couldn’t see a way forward. To be a voice speaking truth about God’s love. To be a visible person in mainstream media, because we have so few queer people on our TVs and radios. There’s a real lack of out, gay women and that encourages me to be visible, to help younger gay girls know that you can be ‘out’ and have a successful career.
Have you reached a place where you can live with your past inner turmoil?
I have, but the journey has been tough. I’ve become very vocal about mental health over the past few months. My journey to recovery has involved dealing with various repercussions from living in the closet. I’ve struggled with depression and been on antidepressants. I’ve also dealt with PTSD-type symptoms related to trauma that I’ve experienced through the church. I’ve needed support from therapists, psychologists, and doctors — and I feel like it’s important to talk openly about this, in case others feel that there is shame in admitting these things. Now I do feel more or less ‘better’, but I think most of us within the queer community carry scars, and I do too.
Your struggles have, in part, resulted in you becoming ill and now being diagnosed with ME. Does this affect your every day life?
Yes, my journey has left me with an illness called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (also known as M.E.) which means I have to take life a bit slower than I’d like. These days I need a lot more sleep than most people, and I have to structure my week so that I can rest after high-level work activities. It can get frustrating to have to deal with it, but I’m just grateful to be alive, to be ‘out’, and to finally get to be my true self at last.
You are writing your autobiography. What was the hardest thing about writing your book?
I just finished writing my book — a memoir that will be published next year by Harper Collins UK and USA. It was a pretty gruelling process to write it, as I had to revisit so many difficult memories that I’d rather forget. But I know, based on responses from people when they’ve read my coming out interview, or heard my keynotes or media work since, that hearing those experiences is helpful.
And finally, what is next for you?
Last month I did my first piece of presenting for BBC1’s Songs of Praise, and I hope that I’ll do future work with BBC1’s religious programming in the coming months too. Mostly, though, I want to learn how to help young LGBT people and be the voice and role-model I needed when I was a teenager.My other key goal for the future is to help change the church from the inside out; through campaigning, conversations behind closed doors with leaders and influencers, and through being a visible role-model. I hope to see the Church in this country become vastly more LGBT inclusive and shift on major issues like same-sex marriage. There are many of us working within the church for this vision. It’s an uphill battle, but I believe we will see change come in our lifetime.
(first published in Pride Life)
